Pre-Owned Cats: $0 Down, 0% Financing!

 

Brilliant advertisment by a Humane Society in Michigan
 
 

Lost in a Hot Air Balloon

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

Christmas for the Psychologically Challenged

1. SCHIZOPHRENIA : -- Do You Hear What We Hear?

2. AMNESIA -- I Don't Know If I'll Be Home for Christmas.

3. NARCISSIST - - Hark the Herald Angels Sing-All About Me .

4. MANIC -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants, and.....

5. MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER -- We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

6. PARANOID --- Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Me.

7. BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER -- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire.

8. FULL PERSONALITY DISORDER -- You Better Watch Out! I'm Goona cry; I'm Gonna Pout! -- Maybe I'll Tell You Why .

9. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER -- Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.....

10. AGORAPHOBIA -- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, but Wouldn't Leave My House.

11. SENILE DEMENTIA -- Walking in a Winter Wonderland--Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER -- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus-so I Burned Down the House.

13. SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER -- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14. ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER -- We Wish You.. . .Hey Look!!! It's Snowing!!!