If I Had A Million Dollars...

I was watching a piece on TV about a fellow who was working to be an Olympic Badminton champion for Canada. His Dad recently asked him what he'd do with a million dollars and he was nonplussed - he really couldn't think of what he'd do with it because he was already doing the things he wanted to be doing with his life. That's a potent statement about living your dreams and finding your happiness.

In reflecting on that, I thought a bit about what I'd most like from life in the next short while and after that, in the medium to long term. Well, the medium to long term forecast was about as fuzzy as any that Environment Canada ever cranked out. But the short-term forecast for what I'd really like was amazingly clear.

It turns out the thing I most want to do right now is take the summer off - not bother to pursue work, not feel stressed about it. Most of the time in the last years, I've had time off only when contracts ended - often in the early winter or over Christmas leading into the doldrums of the early months of the year. Not exactly your most fun-filled moments. Not much outside life. And when I'm at work, my non-work life largely evaporates.

So I thought to myself.... I haven't had a summer off in a while. I haven't enjoyed enough of the weather between 10-25 C for far too long. I haven't got enough nice sun married to decent breezes for far too long. And I haven't spent as much time with my parents over the past three to five years as I should have. My parents aren't the only ones who missed me - many of my friends did not see much of me either.

And thus, I thought.... If I could afford to take the summer off (mostly), I would pursue a number of pended projects; Scultping and casting, furniture constructions, car repair, book reading catching-up, seeing friends, spending time with my Dad and getting him to finish teaching me about woodworking, welding, brazing, spending time with my Mom getting her to teach me to sew, spending time with both of my parents recording the family history in their own words, getting my living space 'just so', trying to brew some beer, finding a way to get out sailing on a boat, visiting my godson, starting to get in shape, working on my pastry making skills (okay, those last two sort of contradict), and working on a couple of projects related to potential career change (maybe getting back to school sometime soon or pursuing a few other ideas).

I figured out that in order to do this, I need to have $8000 in the bank that isn't spoken for. I could probably do it on a bit less.

Ultimately, my folks have a finite span on this world. I still want to spend some time with them and I want to harvest more of their knowledge. I want to do some more things with my hands and have my Dad's advice on doing them. I want to spend some time with them, even if it is only hanging out, drinking a beer and watching a NASCAR race with them (Mom has become a big fan).

What I don't want to do is rush back into another contract that won't really grow my skillset tremendously, that won't teach me knew technologies, that will further the ratrace experience I get working in the modern technology world, and that leads me to bad lifestyle habits that aren't to my long term (or short term) good.

I don't want to miss the time with my friends either. Or seeing their kids, since I don't have my own, grow up.

I don't know how long I or my parents have, but the math tells me there is less of each every passing day. I also see that there is less of them and or a healthy me each day that I slog away in the trenches for the benefit of my corporate overlords/employers. That's not the incentive it once was.

A retirement fund does me no good when I don't make retirement. A retirement fund does me no good if I lose track of all my friends by working too hard. A retirement fund does me no good if my lifestyle leaves me a wreck unable to appreciate it even if I am around. And the markets seem to hate the idea of me retiring anyway.

So, make more money? Meh. Work more building things I'm not really convinced matter? Blech. Yes, some of my work HAS made a difference. Some of it is useful, and some of it saves lives. But a lot of it doesn't and the utility may even be debatable. Yes, I got paid - so I could pay taxes, put money into a market that is a greedfest and that I don't think anyone really understands well enough to predict, and to watch years of my life slip by as I kept thinking 'things will change next year'.

Tomorrow never comes unless you go out to find it. Your future is something you build and it seems that just flowing along and assuming it will attend itself is not much use. You need to be aware of yourself and what your life is doing to you and I am much more aware now than ever before. I am aware of my finite nature, the finite nature of those I care about, and the reality of tempus fugit.

The only one who can improve my present and thereafter my future is me. Part of that involves rethinking what matters. To me, in the short run, work isn't really reaching onto my radar. What matters is the people in my life and my own peace and happiness and figuring out what dream I need to be pursuing. That might take some time. But you don't get anywhere without a first step.

I know what I'd do with a million dollars, but in the short run, a few thousand will do. I'm going to live this summer for me, for my peace of mind, and to open myself to the possibilities outside the current rutted track I'm on. I have no idea if that will work out, but I'm at peace with the idea it is the thing that feels right to me now.