The Path To Whole-Heartedness: Not For The Faint Of Heart

 

Life seems to deal us varied hands at any given time. Or at least it does so to me.

I never seem to get a tremendously easy time but there often seems to be some wonderful things buried in the difficulties if one has the right mental perspective. I think the times I get way, way down at least in part are symptomatic of having lost the ability to dig for the good parts to be thankful for.

I'm down to 208.2 pounds, 50+ pounds lighter than my peak weight. I've donned a size L T-shirt I never thought I'd wear again and it fits reasonably. I suppose my next goal of 200 pounds may take some time to reach, but I seem to be going in the right direction.

I've got some friends going through tough times. One is recovering from a nasty bout of chemotherapy necessitated by Leukemia and followed up by some nasty bugs while his immune system was flatlined. Another is sad because an important thing didn't work out the way he'd wished, no fault of his own. A third is struggling with the aftermath of a relationship gone awry and finally being able to explore and discover her own true nature with all the challenges that go with that. Another is struggling with the fallout of a failed relationship and a crisis of self-worth in a far away land.

I find that I'm not very good at just empathizing with friends and maintaining emotional detachment. When a good friend is depressed, hurting, or very sad, I find myself feeling very sad for them. I always want to be able to help heal the wound or prevent any further injury, although I know that people must face their own challenges to be independent and healthy. Still, my natural inclination is to want to minimize harm and to care about the hurting.

Through the last year or so of surprisingly broad ranges of challenges, I have learned a lot about myself. Amidst that were quite a few things I never thought I would have a chance to experience and learn about. A lot of it has been hard emotional territory.

Learning about yourself is the only way to figure out who you really are, what you really want, and how you need to heal to be whole-hearted and have the last half of your life be as healthy and satisfying as possible. It's an expensive, hard, effort-laden and time-consuming bit of work. Sometimes it feels overwhelming, sad, desperate or even hopeless.

If you can turn your mind to look for the gratitude, to look for the things you've learned and achieved (one is often surprised by how much one has done if one looks back with a clear eye), and if you keep a strong focus on maintaining hope and pursuing the path, however windy, towards a hopeful, happy, optimistic future, that helps get you out of the darkness.

There are bad, bad days. At the same time, there have been great and singular gifts. There is a truth and a peace that comes from being able to see what you want and to reach for that.

I've got a lot of road still to walk. There are some awful parts ahead. I'll honestly admit some of the things that need to be undertaken or braved in order to pursue the hope for the future I want are quite terrifying. I have no idea yet how I'll get through some of them or how many failed attempts will precede any success. The fears and the doubts don't all conveniently pack up and depart even when you do become resolved to pursuing hope through tumultuous times.

The choice is straightforward: Give up and accept that you cannot be well, happy and whole-hearted. Or choose to walk the scary, dark, hard road that will move you slowly and haltingly towards that better place. That's one hell of a Hobson's choice, but one path leads nowhere and the other maybe, possibly, at some point, leads to the whole-hearted and whole life that is so worth pursuing.

My troubled friends and I are all walking this path, each with our own hurdles and each with differing strengths. We all have bad days. Sometimes it seems like the path is just too much and we'll never manage it. That's where it is nice to have a friend to remind you of how far you have traveled, all that you have achieved, and to remind you that tomorrow is a new day.

I'm very lucky to have a supportive family and so many good friends. They help keep me going in the tough times. Love is such a very important piece of my life and a whole-hearted life is a goal worth all the risks.